Saturday, March 10, 2012

Violence Begets Violence

I have  taken a vow of non violence. I know it may sound silly but I think the way we treat our children will determine the types of relationships they will get into when they get older. I know only time will tell what will become of our children. As a mother of three daughters, I think is crucial for them to see violence of any kind as something out of the ordinary not the norm. I am no parenting expert. I struggle every day with my girls and some oh who am I kidding most may think Im too soft on them. Allow them to make too many decisions etc. However I dislike using physical discipline as a tool for child rearing. I think some parents rely too heavily upon it and think its the only way to raise children. Im trying hard not to use it. Im also trying hard not to threaten to use physical punishment. Growing up, my mother would threaten to "go upside my head" on the regular. She rarely ever laid a hand on me The threat alone was enough to stop me in my tracks...I find myself using those  same terms of endearment. "Dont make me come over there.."
When it comes to females we have to be careful not to set them up to think that getting hit is something that happens to you because you "deserved it." When they grow older and get into a relationship with a violent partner, will they think : "I didnt do what he wanted...I got loud with him...I deserved it..." When fathers hit their daughters, what message does it send ? Now you may say that "training" a child is different from a husband hitting his wife. Really why ?? Why do people become so enraged to hear of a young man  getting violent with his girlfriend, but listen attentively when a friend says "I whooped my child's butt..."  We should be equally outraged at violence against children. Adults can defend themselves. Children cannot.
I wish I had the magic cure for child rearing. As Im writing this I see that Raising Hope is dealing with the issue of spanking on this week's episode. Im curious to see what will happen. The "cry it out" episode was funny. I used to be quite militant when it came to the issue of cry it out. I was absolutely against it.  So perhaps when it comes to the issue of spanking, I will have to rethink my position once the teen  years truly set in.
On another note, am I really in the minority when it comes to African American mothers and spanking ?? Let ,me know


  1. Like you I (an African Amer. mother of a 9 year old) believe that spanking is a violent act that's resorted to many times because of a lack of better parenting tools. I have a friend whose life has been committed to stopping and preventing corporal punishment, which includes spanking. Let me know if you'd like connect with her.

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I would love to connect with you both for an upcoming show. Let me know how I can reach you. Please share this blog entry with other like minded individuals.

  2. my email is:
    send me an e-mail and I'll send you my cell number. I'll contact my friend and let her know you'd like to connect. I have posted your post on Twitter.

    I could even post your article on my blog:

    I would you give you a byline of course. Let me know.