Say it Loud: Im a Mom who is so proud...

I just came to the conclusion that folks love drama. They love to see you down on your luck, struggling with your children's behavior. Last year was a horrible year for our family. My beautiful mother passed away at the very end of 2010. December 26th at close to 6pm. The months leading up to her passing were gut wrenching. Unfortunately my little ones felt the impact. The impact manifested itself in acting out and doing poorly in school. My oldest was getting poor grades. So poor in fact, she actually risked being held back. I recall standing in the school lobby and one of her teachers pulled me aside and told me that if she did not do well in the upcoming semester, she could be held back. One of the security guards was listening attentively. Following my conversation with the teacher, she offered her own unsolicited advice. A few weeks later, a parent whose daughter is in the same grade said to me, "Your daughter isnt doing well in Middle School is she ?" I am certain she had a smirk on her face.
This year, and even at the end of last year, my children began to crawl from underneath the shock and grief. They are  at the top of their game in school.  My oldest scored a 4 in both ELA and Math on the NYS Exams last year. According to the school principal, only two percent of students score a 4 on those exams. I praise the school she attends, and their commitment to excellence. Their demand for excellence from the students. I shared my joy with another parent while we were standing in the hallway. You know what she did ? She rolled her eyes. Im still taken back by that. She literally rolled her eyes at me. Now this is a person who loves to take cheap shots at little childen. My youngest is in her child's class. My youngest is a fireball. She will most certainly rule the world one day. But this parent likes to make little comments to make her feel bad about herself. "Oh you are going to need braces one day..." "Oh Im going to braid your hair for you okay ??" Now a child is not going to recognize these little comments, but as a mother, you not only recognize them but you  want to smack a @#$ for making the comments because you know where its coming from.

Im proud of my girls. If I were half as smart and adorable as they are, heck I could be ruling the world right now. But thats okay as long as they are doing their thing. They do well despite me not because of me. I am so proud of them. I am proud because I know they dont have as much as other kids their age. They share a small room, we have barely any furniture, lord knows they put up with a cooky mother every day. Despite this, they are genuinely happy. They love school. My girls are happy with the smallest things whether its watching reruns old sitcoms or having brownies for dessert. If they dont  have something, they dont worry about it. This is why when they do ask for things, I try to get it for them. 

It is sad that folks would love to hear, "my twelve year old is a headache..." Its sad that folks want to believe your children cannot possibly be happy living such a meager existence. We are a happy little  family. Im so proud of my girls...so if you want to hear something negative..keep it moving because you wont find it here.

Violence Begets Violence

I have  taken a vow of non violence. I know it may sound silly but I think the way we treat our children will determine the types of relationships they will get into when they get older. I know only time will tell what will become of our children. As a mother of three daughters, I think is crucial for them to see violence of any kind as something out of the ordinary not the norm. I am no parenting expert. I struggle every day with my girls and some oh who am I kidding most may think Im too soft on them. Allow them to make too many decisions etc. However I dislike using physical discipline as a tool for child rearing. I think some parents rely too heavily upon it and think its the only way to raise children. Im trying hard not to use it. Im also trying hard not to threaten to use physical punishment. Growing up, my mother would threaten to "go upside my head" on the regular. She rarely ever laid a hand on me The threat alone was enough to stop me in my tracks...I find myself using those  same terms of endearment. "Dont make me come over there.."
When it comes to females we have to be careful not to set them up to think that getting hit is something that happens to you because you "deserved it." When they grow older and get into a relationship with a violent partner, will they think : "I didnt do what he wanted...I got loud with him...I deserved it..." When fathers hit their daughters, what message does it send ? Now you may say that "training" a child is different from a husband hitting his wife. Really why ?? Why do people become so enraged to hear of a young man  getting violent with his girlfriend, but listen attentively when a friend says "I whooped my child's butt..."  We should be equally outraged at violence against children. Adults can defend themselves. Children cannot.
I wish I had the magic cure for child rearing. As Im writing this I see that Raising Hope is dealing with the issue of spanking on this week's episode. Im curious to see what will happen. The "cry it out" episode was funny. I used to be quite militant when it came to the issue of cry it out. I was absolutely against it.  So perhaps when it comes to the issue of spanking, I will have to rethink my position once the teen  years truly set in.
On another note, am I really in the minority when it comes to African American mothers and spanking ?? Let ,me know